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Psychology Research...Unraveled


Why Marriage Isn't Quite Right For You

Marriage can be a very rewarding experience. It means that you will always have someone to laugh at your corny jokes and kiss your lips despite the immeasurable amount of garlic with which you coated your lunchtime spaghetti.

However, not everyone can be married. Check out the five signs that marriage may not be for you…right now.

1. People who must be right don't make good partners.

Married people argue; there's no question about it. However, in your quest to "win" the argument, remember that for every winner there is a loser. The closer you get to winning, the closer your partner gets to losing.

Do you really want to be married to a loser? What's more, does your partner really want to be married to someone who makes him/her feel like a loser?   

Your goal in any disagreement should be to be heard. If your goal is to make your partner feel badly about him/herself or to maintain a perfect 21-0 record in your petty arguments, you are in the wrong game.

2. If you fight dirty, stay single.

Calling your partner names when you are mad is unacceptable. Period. If he is such an a-hole, why are you thinking of marrying him? His a-hole status won't change after you spend $50,000 on a wedding. If she is a b**** during every disagreement, why don't you find someone who only falls into that category during only 50% of your disagreements? At least that would be an improvement.

If your common practice is to call your partner names out of anger, then marriage isn't for you. It doesn't make you feel better and it certainly don't get you heard. In an argument, keep your hands and your nasty words to yourself. Just focus on the content.

3. If your favorite person in the world is you and your best friend is any mirror, your partner is in for a bumpy ride.

Marriage is about a partnership and, any partnership that only focuses on only one of the partners isn't a partnership. Before you get married, you may want to learn the art of selflessness. Although some people are just naturally more selfless than others, it's a skill that you can learn.   

Try starting a relationship with a puppy, and experience the moments when Sparky is sick and you may have to stay home to tend to him. Experience making Sparky's dinner plate before yours and making arrangements for him to get walked while you are out of town. If you can't nurture a relationship with a puppy, you may want to stay away from committed relationships until you have had more practice.  

4. If you can't apologize, don't dedicate your life to someone else.

What’s the big deal about apologizing? It’s just two little words. Everyone is wrong at some point. If you honestly can’t humble yourself enough to apologize when you did something wrong or even when you could have done something better, stick to your singledom so that you never have to.

5. If you can’t take in and process feedback about yourself, you can get married, but don’t live with your spouse.

Married people spend a lot of time together (or at least they should in theory). When you live with someone, you learn a lot about him/her. You know what annoys your spouse, what makes him/her laugh and when to bring up certain topics. And your spouse knows those same things about you.

Given the physical and emotional closeness in marriage, your spouse is in the perfect position to offer feedback on times when you could be more patient and times when you could be more loving. Your spouse can tell you about the quirks that make you special and amazing parts of your personality. S/he can also tell you about the aspect of you that push people away or offend people.

If you can’t hear and accept when the person who loves you the most (again, in theory) is telling you how you could be a better person, then you should stick to the single life. Also, if you are the one giving the feedback and you can’t give it in a loving and constructive way, then you should stick to the dating scene as well.

Marriage takes work; just ask Ben Affleck. If you aren’t willing to learn about yourself and constantly make changes to refine yourself, just ride the single wave where the only person on Team You is you.